Speak Their Language: The Secret to Coaching Sales That Convert
Speak Their Language: The Secret to Coaching Sales That Convert
If you’ve ever felt frustrated that your brilliance as a coach isn’t translating into clients—or worse, that your DMs are a ghost town—this one’s for you.
On this week’s episode of The Amanda Kaufman Show, I had an amazing conversation with Stephanie O’Brien, a coach who has mastered the art of authentic connection. And let me tell you, this wasn’t just a “talk about connection” episode. We went all in on what’s really getting in the way of sales—and spoiler alert: it’s not your offer. It’s how you talk about it.
Coaches, You Might Be Too Smart for Your Own Good
Stephanie dropped this truth bomb early in the episode, and I about fell out of my chair:
“Sometimes they were kind of too educated for their own good.”
As coaches, we love our jargon. We talk about shifting paradigms, regulating nervous systems, aligning with abundance—and while those terms make sense to us, they often don’t land with the people we’re trying to help.
Stephanie’s background as a fiction writer gives her a superpower: translating “coach speak” into clear, emotional, results-driven language that everyday humans can actually connect with. And when people connect? That’s when they buy.
Pitch Slapping Is a Real Problem
Let’s be honest: we’ve all experienced it.
You get a friend request.
You accept.
Thirty seconds later—bam—you’re hit with a copy-paste pitch.
Stephanie calls it “pitch slapping,” and it’s one of the biggest mistakes coaches are making today.
“When you're first connecting with someone, please let them know why you're connecting with them and don't make it a sales pitch… make it specific. Make it personalized. Don't make them scroll through your feeds trying to figure out who the heck you are.”
People don’t want to be treated like leads. They want to be seen, understood, and respected.
Here’s What to Do Instead
If you’re thinking, “Okay Amanda, I get it. But what do I actually say instead of a pitch?”—you’re in luck.
When reaching out to someone new, Stephanie suggests:
Reference something specific they said
Mention a group you’re both in
Be real and authentic
And remember: even “free” costs time. If someone doesn’t know you, they’re not going to spend 20 minutes on your training just because you dropped a link. That kind of trust is earned, not assumed.
Your Social Feed Shouldn’t Be a Mystery
Stephanie said it best:
“Even after scrolling through their feed, I can't tell what they do or what problem they solve or what benefit they give.”
If someone lands on your profile, they should immediately know:
Who you are
Who you help
How you help them
If that clarity isn’t there, you’re making it harder than it needs to be for people to connect with—and hire—you.
Connection Takes Time—But It’s Worth It
This part gave me chills. Stephanie reminded us that true connection is about real conversation.
“Talk with them about life in general. Talk with them about their pets, their vacations, their family. This helps to build a foundation that will make them more open to buying from you.”
We’re not just here to pitch. We’re here to build trust. To listen. To care.
When people feel that? Sales stop feeling like selling—and start feeling like serving.
Done With You, Not For You
I loved hearing how Stephanie evolved her offer by simply paying attention to what her clients actually needed.
Instead of “done-for-you” services, she shifted to “done-with-you” coaching where they build the program together on a live call.
“By the end of the call, it’s done.”
No extra homework. No endless revisions. Just clarity and results.
The Big Takeaway
If you want to grow your coaching business without feeling sleazy or salesy, this episode is a must-listen.
Connection isn’t a tactic. It’s a value.
It’s the difference between chasing leads and attracting aligned clients who are ready to say “yes” before you even make the offer.
Whether you’re revamping your content, refining your messaging, or just trying to stop dreading your DMs, Stephanie’s wisdom will help you shift from pitch mode into partnership.
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How to Pick a Coaching Topic That Sells
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Chapters List
00:00 Introduction to Coaching and Connection
02:15 The Importance of Clear Communication in Coaching
04:49 Building Authentic Relationships in Coaching
08:05 Tailoring Offers to Client Needs
09:41 Creating Effective Social Media Content
11:37 Connecting with People as Individuals
14:11 Networking Strategies for Coaches
15:41 Free Resources and Conclusion
Full Transcript
Stephanie O'Brien (00:00)
bear in mind that even if you're inviting them to something free, nothing is actually free. It still costs them time.
they're not going to invest it in you if you're just some random stranger sending them a pitch.
Amanda Kaufman (00:26)
Well, hello and welcome back to the Amanda Kaufman show. I am so excited to introduce you to my friend Stephanie O'Brien. So Stephanie did such a good job of connecting with me in a really authentic and connecty kind of a way. She helps coaches with their package design, with showing up, with their networking in a way that is really, really powerful. And I invited her, I said, you know, let's...
talk about it on the podcast. applied and here she is. Thank you so much for joining us Stephanie. How are you doing today?
Stephanie O'Brien (01:00)
You're very welcome. I've been doing good. It's been a busy season. I'm getting ready to put in the garden. Just constructed a greenhouse, working on revamping. I had lots of great stuff going on, but I'm always happy to take the time to share these strategies with the people who need them.
Amanda Kaufman (01:12)
I love it, that's so good. So Stephanie, I love asking people what drew you to the business that you're in now? Why help coaches?
Stephanie O'Brien (01:20)
because once I started meeting them, I was actually originally a fiction writer, but once my mom got into coaching, I went with her to learn how to use my fiction writing for nonfiction. I just fell in love with coaches as I met them. All these amazing people who are trying to be their best selves, live their best lives, get past all the mental crap that gets keeps people just on autopilot and letting life happen to them as opposed to shaping their lives. All these people who are trying to do such amazing things in the world. But I did find as I was meeting them, sometimes they were kind of too educated for their own good.
Amanda Kaufman (01:45)
Mm-hmm.
Stephanie O'Brien (01:49)
So they say stuff like, I'll help you shift your paradigms. We're using all this jargon that, because I was starting to get familiar with the coaching world, I understood on an intellectual level what they were talking about, but it didn't really resonate emotionally. And I knew that if people didn't have that background, they wouldn't understand what the heck the coach was talking about. Or even if they had a surface knowledge, they wouldn't connect it with a result that's worth paying for. So I kind of started to become the universal translator, you know, helping coaches to translate coach speak into layperson speak into talk in terms of what the clients actually
want and understand and care about so they'd be motivated to buy instead of just going that's nice dear.
Amanda Kaufman (02:25)
Yeah, goodness, yeah, that is a crushing thing to hear when you're a coach and you've worked so hard. And I'm laughing because, that's definitely been my experience as well. Like typically somebody who pursues coaching and building an expert business, they do have the expertise. They are really smart. And the disconnect that can happen and also the doubt that people really want to hear about it. Like if you're really geeky or nerdy on a topic, it can be kind of hard to believe that you can actually speak in such a way.
that causes people who have not had your lived experience that are outside of your normal bubble of connection would be really interested. So yeah, that makes a ton of sense. So I'm just so curious too, like for you, has a coach ever made a big difference in your life? Like how did coaching impact you?
Stephanie O'Brien (03:11)
I've had several coaches who made big impact in my life. Brendan Norman was the one who first introduced me to marketing and to explaining things in these results oriented ways that people could actually picture and feel themselves experiencing. It kind of graph connected me with a lot of the people who I'm still in touch with to this day through his conferences. One was actually a relationship coach, Barry Price. He helped me get past a lot of the negative emotions in the baggage that I had from being one of those kids who struggled to make friends. I was always the one contacting
my friends, honestly need to put air quotes by him. I was always the one contacting them to ask, hey, do you want to hang out? And I almost never got a reciprocal invitation and they usually said no. So I had a lot of baggage and he helped me work past that, see how I was perpetuating these patterns in my life, pushing people away, only attracting the people who needed me more than they wanted me. So he really helped a lot with helping me to be more emotionally stable, not take things as personally when people were busy, all of which it was good
for
romantic relationships and such, also was integral for my business.
Amanda Kaufman (04:14)
Yeah,
absolutely. I started the coaches' plaza years ago. when I'm introducing myself to other entrepreneurs and so on, I often say I'm a cleverly disguised relationship coach. Because so much of being successful as an expert and being successful in
business really is predicated on how you interact with people and how they respond to you in kind and your ability to generate those high quality relationships and show up powerfully in them. I'm so curious, based on what you've learned so far, what do you see as maybe the top three things that a coach should keep in mind when they wanna be really successful in putting themselves out there? You mentioned...
you know, connecting with the lay person or the person who hasn't been through their coaching experience before, what would you tell them?
Stephanie O'Brien (05:03)
I tell you one of the big things that almost everybody who tries to connect with me fails at. Set yourself aside. You need to set yourself apart from the hordes of people who are trying to pour into their inbox. And it's really actually not that hard because most of the people I get friends requests from, my initial response is, who the heck are you? And my response after scrolling through their feed is still, who the heck are you? So when you're first connecting with someone, please let them know why you're connecting with them and don't make it a sales pitch. Don't let it be, hey, I want you to invite you I want to invite you to my coaching
Do you need this? you need that? Do you want to be in my Facebook group?
because that is a perfect way to make someone feel like you're treating them as a number. Like you haven't even checked to see if they need what you're offering yet. So make it more personal and less pitchy. Like, hey, I noticed you in so-and-so group are both in. I love what you said in your post about so-and-so. I'd like to talk with you about so-and-so. Make it specific. Make it personalized. Don't make them scroll through your feeds trying to figure out who the heck you are or why you're connecting with them. And bear in mind that even if you're inviting them to something free, nothing is actually free. It still costs them time.
they're not going to invest it in you if you're just some random stranger sending them a pitch. So that's one big thing to keep in mind to just make your introductions personal.
Amanda Kaufman (06:07)
thousand percent Yeah
Stephanie O'Brien (06:12)
That alone will set you apart from just about everyone who's trying to contact me these days. I don't make it like a gin.
Amanda Kaufman (06:18)
Yeah, yeah. No, I love that. I love that.
I call that pitch placement, right? Because at some point you are going to need to make the pitch. But there's a very big difference between, you like you said, opening with the pitch. I call that pitch slapping, right? And appropriately pitching. you know, so I'm so curious, like, when you consider the timing, like, when is the time, when is it the right time?
Stephanie O'Brien (06:31)
I like that.
Amanda Kaufman (06:43)
to invite somebody to have a deeper conversation, get on the calendar, ask something of them. What's the best time to do that?
Stephanie O'Brien (06:50)
I'd say when they've expressed a need for it, if you've got something time sensitive, can say, hey, I've got this thing. Once you've talked with them a little bit, you can say, I've got this thing coming up. Does this sound like it's something you or someone you know could use? But yeah, wouldn't make it my first couple contacts. I wouldn't make it my first couple messages. Start to get to know them a bit as a person first. And don't use a generic, hey, I love your profile or I love your content. Because most of the people who say that, in my experience, they have no idea what my profile or content is.
Amanda Kaufman (07:10)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
Stephanie O'Brien (07:18)
Especially when they ask, hey, I love your profile. So what do you do? If you'd
Amanda Kaufman (07:19)
it's still copy paste. Yeah.
Stephanie O'Brien (07:23)
read my profile, you would know that. You would not have asked that question. So yeah, don't do generic stuff like that. Do something actually. Here, I read your post about so-and-so. Here's what I loved about it. Something specific to show you actually read the thing.
Amanda Kaufman (07:25)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Absolutely, absolutely. Now you mentioned like something that can help is having the thing to invite them towards. What do you recommend that people do in that regard? Like is it speaking engagements, workshops? Like is there a particular thing you found works the best?
Stephanie O'Brien (07:53)
I like to tailor it to the individual person. You somebody has expertise that I think my audience could use. I invite them to an interview swap. If I notice they're struggling in an area that I help them with, I invite them to a breakthrough session. If they're struggling in an area that a friend of mine can help with, I invite them to, you know, I ask them if they want me to connect them with my friend. So, yeah, there isn't really one blanket thing. It depends on their needs. And I think that's the big difference between, you know, pitch slapping and genuinely helping people with your offers is that they've expressed a need and that you're offering some
that's tailored to the need they've expressed.
Amanda Kaufman (08:25)
I'm so curious, like how many hours a day do you think this method takes or this approach?
Stephanie O'Brien (08:32)
It
depends on how big an audience you already have, how much you need to spend time building up that audience. Some people only take like an hour or so on social media or even less than that a day. Some people do more. So it kind of depends how many people you already have in your audience to reach out to, how much you want to build up the audience, and how fast you want to scale. And how effective your messaging is. The more effective your messaging is, the fewer people you have to reach to get the number of clients you need.
Amanda Kaufman (08:59)
Mm-hmm,
and you mentioned the feed a couple of times. So what are some really good things for people to keep in mind in terms of their social content?
Stephanie O'Brien (09:07)
For one thing, disable other people's ability to tag you in posts and have it automatically appear on your profile, because I've seen a few people who their whole profile is a wall of keto spam. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. And their own message gets completely buried. Another is you have a fair number of posts that actually talk about what you do. another mistake I often see people make is it's just this wall of vague inspiration stuff, most of which is probably just quotes they pulled from the internet. And even after scrolling through their feed, I can't tell what they
do or what problem they solve or what benefit they give. So we have some posts that are really relevant to, here's the problem I solve, here's how I solve it, here's how I can help you. When people can quickly and easily see what you do, who you help, and how, the right people are going to be a lot more attractive to you.
Amanda Kaufman (09:46)
Mm-hmm.
Why do you think people don't just do this? Like, what do you see as being some of the obstacles that these, that coaches generally are facing, that they are producing pretty generic content, or they are allowing people to post on their behalf on their walls? Like, why? Why do people do that?
Stephanie O'Brien (10:14)
Um, know, I'd say when I first started out, I didn't really know what to post and it was just plain a lack of knowledge and experience. You some people had given me some frankly bad advice about what to post that wasn't really tailored to me. So I was just posting some of these, you know, questions, blank generic questions or, you know, polls or, you know, inspirational quotes, stuff that wasn't actually that tailored to my business. So it could just be an experience and bad advice they've gotten from other people.
Amanda Kaufman (10:41)
Okay, so what are you looking forward to in your business? Right now, for you.
Stephanie O'Brien (10:46)
Don't we?
One thing I'm working on that I'm really happy about is I'm revamping my website and my offer stack to be more focused on some of my more popular offers. I've previously been offering done for you coaching program creation and coaching for teaching people how to do coaching program creation. What I've actually found is the most helpful for my clients is when I just do done with you and we just get on the call and get it done right there on the call instead of me telling them how to do it. Then they have to do it afterward or I have to do it afterward. By the end of the call with with done free done with you it's done by the end of
Amanda Kaufman (11:10)
Mmm.
Stephanie O'Brien (11:17)
call. So, you know, working on, you thank you. Yeah, it's a lot more efficient.
Amanda Kaufman (11:19)
Mm-hmm. That's really cool. That's really exciting. How did you discover that that was
the next thing you want to focus on?
Stephanie O'Brien (11:28)
Just experience, actually. I was getting on a call with people and just asking them questions to, I was planning to do Yo! Done for you service afterward where I just created afterward and I ended up asking so many questions during the call and realizing Yo! I'm just basically making the program all on the call right here, so why not just roll with what's actually working and I almost stumbled into it just from experience of what my clients ended up liking.
Amanda Kaufman (11:48)
That's awesome, that's awesome. I think there's a really good lesson in there for anybody listening that if you just get into game and you start with your best guess of what your program or your offering should be, you're gonna get a lot of really good intel and information about what really, really works for you and how you wanna show up. I love it. So if there was like one thing that you wanted to, you wished that more coaches really knew,
Stephanie O'Brien (12:09)
Absolutely. ⁓
Amanda Kaufman (12:15)
to be more successful, what's that one thing?
Stephanie O'Brien (12:18)
I think a big thing is, the other thing I was touching on earlier is treat the people you're connecting with like people, not like prospects. Don't go straight into pitching them. Don't go straight into asking invasive questions that you frankly don't have the right to be asking at that stage. Just start connecting with them as people. Don't worry about having to get the sale every time we're having to go straight to learning about their struggles.
You can talk with them about life in general. Talk with them about their pets, their vacations, their family. This helps to build a foundation that will make
more open to buying from you and to talking with you about their problems because they know that you see them as a person not just as a prospect. This is probably the number one mistake that most of the people in my inbox make with me trying to pitch to me.
Amanda Kaufman (12:54)
So good, so good, yeah.
Mm.
Excuse me. Yeah, I completely agree. think like there was definitely a stage in my business where I was scared to open my messenger and it was because I just knew like it was just filtering a bunch of pitches and you know, I always try to remember an inbox is a convenient organization system for other people's agendas. And so it's so important as a coach and as a role model that we are
setting that standard, and that's not to say you should leave your inbox to never be visited again, which was a strategy I tried that's not so good, but rather just be thoughtful about what's probably in there. What are people probably wanting from you? What kind of connection are people wanting to have? And I use the example of our relationship in fact, right? Because as I recall, one of us sent a friend request to the other person I can't even really remember.
but we started doing a little bit of dialogue and back and forth. And when I found out what you were doing with your business, I just really remember this, when I learned that, I was like, well, the best way that I can help you is probably, and I gave you a couple of ways. And so then you were able to take an action that was awesome for you, and here we are, right? We're on a podcast, we're making some content together, we're having a high quality conversation. And I think that...
Stephanie O'Brien (14:11)
Yep.
Amanda Kaufman (14:18)
Years ago, I didn't have a lot of guests for podcasts. I didn't have lot of opportunities for collaboration. I didn't have as many people coming into my inbox for the quote unquote right reasons, which of course would be like to buy something or to collaborate in some way. Like I wasn't getting that inbound flow. And what I realized is that I had put a huge wall up because I was so scared of terrible pitches. Now just on the terrible pitch thing.
anybody listening, you don't have to answer any of them. Like there's no have to in this business at all. Like you don't have to do this business, but if you are committed to success, connection is absolutely key. So Stephanie, what do you recommend somebody do if they are really committed to building more connection?
making this more of a priority, increasing their consistency, like they're they're signed up. They really want to be successful with connecting with others. What's their next big move?
Stephanie O'Brien (15:13)
A strategy I like, I get onto some networking calls. I've actually got a list if people want to say DM me on Facebook, I can send them the list of networking events I'm in. So I go to these networking events and I pay special attention to a certain type, three certain types of people. One obviously is potential clients who might need my services. Another is people who provide what could be the step before me in my client's journey, who might then, you once their clients are done working with them, might send them on to me. And the third is people who handle the step after me in the client's journey who might
sometimes run into clients who aren't ready for their services and who need those prerequisite steps. For example, let's say someone helps people sell their program on stage. Well, if the person doesn't have a program to sell, they can't help. So they could refer that person to me. I get them ready and then send them back. So those are the three types of people I really, thank you. Yeah, those are three types of people I really pay attention to on networking calls.
Amanda Kaufman (15:57)
clever.
Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely, I think it is widely understood that referrals are a great source of business and so is networking. But I really liked your breakdown of it's particularly business partners who, and I like that idea of the before and the after of the overall journey. That's clever, that's really cool. So Stephanie, how can people follow you?
Stephanie O'Brien (16:20)
Thank you.
The best way is on Facebook. The link should be with the show notes. So easy to find, easy to click. And feel free to send me a DM if you want to connect.
Amanda Kaufman (16:27)
Yeah, very cool.
I love it. I understand you have a free resource that might be really useful for them if they send you a message.
Stephanie O'Brien (16:38)
Yeah, it's called How to Pick a Coaching Topic that Sells and it focuses on practical strategies for getting into groups, networking in them, being actually welcomed and coming across as a person who wants to help instead of just a pitch bot and connecting with people in a way that makes them want to talk with you about their problems, their needs, their desires and how you could help them as well as questions you can ask to get more information about that. So you can use that to pick your coaching topic, pick your selling and teaching points and generally connect with people in a way that's relevant to their desires. So if you want to that, can
feel free to DM me with coaching topic and I'll know to send it to you.
Amanda Kaufman (17:10)
That's really cool. Thank you so much. It's very generous, Stephanie. And thank you so much for joining me on the show.
Stephanie O'Brien (17:13)
You're welcome.
You're welcome. Thank you so much for having me and for asking such great questions.
Amanda Kaufman (17:20)
Yeah, my pleasure, my pleasure. And dear listener, make sure you hit the subscribe button so that you don't miss another episode. And go ahead and forward this episode to maybe you have one or two or even three friends that are building a coaching business and they wanna get some real traction. Make sure they're listening to the show because we talk about a lot of different strategies that are going to move them forward. And I love some of the things that Stephanie was talking about, about some of the insights on the networking.
and what you can do there and very specifically building relationships that count and that really matter. And of course, if you loved the episode, go ahead and leave us a review because that helps people make the decision to choose our show among all of the different shows that they could choose. And we really appreciate every single review that we get. Well, thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you in another episode. And until then, make sure you do what matters.
