High-Functioning Unhappiness and the Path to Emotional Freedom
High-Functioning Unhappiness and the Path to Emotional Freedom
In our fast-paced, success-driven world, the term “high-functioning” is often synonymous with achievement and resilience. But what happens when that drive to excel is underpinned by unhappiness? This phenomenon, aptly termed “high-functioning unhappiness,” was the centerpiece of Amanda Kaufman’s recent podcast episode featuring Rebeccah Silence, an award-winning author, coach, and media personality. Together, they delved into the emotional dynamics of this pervasive issue and explored pathways to genuine fulfillment and emotional freedom.
What is High-Functioning Unhappiness?
High-functioning unhappiness describes a state where individuals appear outwardly successful and composed while internally grappling with dissatisfaction and emotional turmoil. Rebeccah Silence articulates this as the silent struggle many face when they’ve achieved societal markers of success but feel disconnected from their true selves.
“It’s the slow erosion of what you really want,” Amanda adds. Over time, these compromises lead to a sense of being trapped in a life that no longer feels authentic. The danger lies in the normalization of this dissonance, as people convince themselves that “it isn’t that bad.”
Rebeccah’s mission is to help individuals break free from this cycle. As she explains, the journey isn’t about rejecting high performance but about aligning external success with internal clarity and peace.
From Survival Mode to Emotional Freedom
A cornerstone of Rebeccah’s coaching philosophy is the distinction between the “survival self” and the “healed self.” Survival mode is where many operate—fulfilling responsibilities, meeting expectations, and maintaining appearances. But this mode often comes at the cost of emotional well-being.
“Healing is freedom,” Rebeccah asserts. The process involves unearthing deeply held patterns, often rooted in generational trauma, and creating a life that feels true to oneself. For Rebeccah, her personal journey—from growing up in a home marked by addiction and domestic violence to overcoming cancer with only a 5% chance of survival—has been a testament to the power of emotional regulation and commitment.
She emphasizes that healing doesn’t require a catastrophic breakdown. Instead, it starts with the willingness to risk discomfort and reevaluate long-held beliefs about what’s possible in life and relationships.
The Four Stages of Commitment
One of the most impactful concepts discussed in the episode is Rebeccah’s four-stage framework for commitment. These stages are:
Fresh Love: The honeymoon phase of excitement and possibility. Whether it’s a new career, relationship, or personal goal, this stage feels energizing and inspiring.
Panic: The inevitable moment of doubt. Questions like “What was I thinking?” arise, and fear can overshadow initial enthusiasm. This stage tests resilience and determination.
Power and Control: The most challenging phase, where old survival patterns and control mechanisms emerge. This stage demands emotional clarity and self-regulation to move beyond limiting beliefs and behaviors.
Reinvention: The reward for navigating the earlier stages. Reinvention is the emergence of a healed and aligned self, where external circumstances reflect inner peace and authenticity.
Understanding these stages normalizes the struggles that come with growth and helps individuals stay committed to their transformation.
The Role of Emotional Regulation
A recurring theme in the discussion was the importance of emotional regulation. Amanda highlighted how her growth as a coach and entrepreneur has been directly tied to her ability to manage her emotions during challenges.
Rebeccah agrees, noting that emotional clarity is the foundation for effective decision-making and meaningful relationships. Her work centers on helping clients develop the tools to process emotions healthily, creating space for growth and healing.
For coaches and leaders, emotional regulation is especially critical. As Amanda pointed out, the ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively often separates effective professionals from the rest. “It’s about staying aligned with who you want to be, even when things get tough,” she says.
Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma
Rebeccah’s expertise in healing generational trauma provides a powerful lens for understanding high-functioning unhappiness. She explains that many of the patterns holding individuals back are inherited from family systems. “We don’t wake up knowing who we are; we wake up knowing how to survive the family we’re born into,” she says.
Breaking these cycles begins with one person in the family choosing to heal. This doesn’t mean fixing others but modeling a new way of being that inspires change. As Rebeccah puts it, “The healed you is the key to transforming your family.”
Practical Steps to Start Your Journey
If high-functioning unhappiness resonates with you, here are a few steps inspired by the conversation:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize that it’s okay to feel dissatisfied, even if your life appears successful on the surface.
Invest in Healing: Whether through therapy, coaching, or personal development, prioritize your emotional well-being.
Embrace Discomfort: Growth often requires moving through fear and uncertainty. Trust that this is part of the process.
Commit Fully: Use Rebeccah’s four-stage framework to understand and navigate the challenges of commitment.
Practice Emotional Regulation: Develop habits that help you stay calm and clear-headed, such as mindfulness, journaling, or seeking support from trusted mentors.
Conclusion
High-functioning unhappiness is a silent struggle, but it doesn’t have to define your life. Rebeccah Silence’s message is one of hope, resilience, and empowerment. By embracing emotional regulation, breaking generational patterns, and committing to personal growth, you can align your external achievements with genuine inner happiness.
As Rebeccah reminds us, healing is not just about overcoming pain—it’s about rediscovering the freedom to live authentically and fully. Take the first step today and start your journey toward emotional freedom.
Here’s a podcast description with rich-text formatting:
🌟 Connect with Rebeccah Silence:
Website: rebeccasilence.com
Book: Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal from Pain to Create the Life You Want
YouTube: Rebeccah Silence's Channel
Free Masterclass: Three Must-Know Secrets to Heal and Save Your Family
💡 Resources from Amanda Kaufman:
🌟 Don’t miss this episode—packed with actionable insights and deep inspiration for anyone ready to heal, grow, and thrive.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Coaching and Personal Background
03:02 The Importance of Authentic Connections
06:01 Active Listening and Relationship Building
09:04 Navigating Challenges in Coaching
11:46 The Role of Action in Motivation
15:05 Letting Go of Control and Embracing Flow
18:06 Key Practices for Effective Coaching
20:59 Understanding Numbers and Business Management
23:50 The Value of Having a Coach
27:05 Conclusion and Resources
Full Transcript
Rebeccah Silence (00:00)
And that...
is the indication that you've healed some generational trauma. Because we're not born necessarily knowing who we are. We in our families design who we need to be to survive the family system. And I call that your survival self. We wake up one day and we know we're surviving. We don't wake up one day and know who we are. So for me, I married a guy with the last name Silence because I was still committed to silence and understanding trauma wasn't enough.
Then I kept the name because I reinvented myself. And my clients say yes to reinventing themselves without knowing what that means. I didn't know who I was, but I knew who I wasn't. And then it was a identity up level reinventing myself journey to be who I am fully expressed no matter what. And so when we're talking about family healing, that's what I'm talking about. You, you, no matter what, in your family and beyond, that's magic.
Amanda Kaufman (00:36)
Mmm.
Well, hello and welcome back to the Amanda Kaufman show. We are continuing our series on the coaches that don't suck and Rebecca Silence for sure qualifies. I'm so excited that she accepted my invitation to be here and hello Rebecca, how are you?
Rebeccah Silence (01:32)
Hey Amanda, hey all of you beautiful coaches out there that want to be coaches who don't suck. I'm honored to be here.
Amanda Kaufman (01:39)
It's amazing. Okay, so I've got your bio here, but I'm just gonna say on a personal note, Rebecca is one of those people who if you meet her and you connect, she's like this magnet. We keep connecting and finding each other in different environments and different seminars and circles. And every time she sees you, it is...
Like the just this big light up, you know, like it's been years and years, even if it was just a month ago. And I just I love that about you, Rebecca. You're just you're just one of those people that has so much heart and so much to share.
Rebeccah Silence (02:18)
Thank you, Amanda. I love people. And you're someone I love a lot, genuinely.
Amanda Kaufman (02:23)
I appreciate that. Well, and for you, dear listener, Rebecca Silens is redefining family happiness worldwide as an award winning author, coach and media personality. Her mission is to help every child grow up with healed, joyful parents and every couple experience transformative love with expertise in healing generational trauma. Rebecca makes harmonious, love filled homes a reality.
Her 16 years of success stories and personal journey of resilience prove lasting happiness is within reach. And you can learn more at her website, rebeccasilence.com, but she's right here. So I'm just going to ask all kinds of awesome questions. All right. So Rebecca, I'm just really curious. What has drawn you to this mission? This is a big mission.
you know, to affect families in such a deep way. Do you mind just telling us a little bit of like your why? Like what has drawn you to this?
Rebeccah Silence (03:28)
Yeah.
Well, I grew up in a domestic violence environment and a home riddled with addiction, affairs, dysfunction, and it was an environment where anything goes. And no one had the need to do better, and everybody was doing the best they could with the tools they had. And from a really young age, I just identify as maybe some of you
in this gorgeous audience to as the generational trauma healer in my family. And I think I knew at like age four, that was my assignment, but that doesn't mean responsibility. That doesn't mean fixing anyone or healing anyone. I just knew family is my favorite thing and there has to be a way that it can be better than this. So fast forward, I've been around in the industry as a ground level.
Amanda Kaufman (03:59)
Mmm.
Rebeccah Silence (04:23)
Pioneer I've been helping people heal since 2002. My background is really unique. I'm a music therapist I have a master's degree in counseling and I knew I wanted to work with people and become a behavior expert as soon as I graduated with my undergrad, but then I have a master's degree in counseling 4.0 GPA and I find myself in my own domestic violence marriage and so for me that was the beginning of
wait a minute, mental health is so important, family health is so important, and it just became so clear to me it's not enough to understand trauma if you wanna actually break the cycle. So for me, I didn't have the self-worth yet to get out of this domestic violence situation for me because this was just what happened when it came to love and relationship and family. But I had a kid and that wasn't good enough for her, which gave me the strength and the courage to get out.
And from there, I was gonna be damned if I didn't figure out how to actually help families heal. And so that's been my journey. I have multiple coaching certifications. I'm a continuous student every day. I'm a coach with a coach. I love that you stand for that as well, Amanda, with all of the leadership you're doing with coaches. You know, we spend more on my healing and transformation and growth in my family than we do on anything else, six figures a year for 10 years straight.
Amanda Kaufman (05:27)
Mmm.
Rebeccah Silence (05:49)
You know, and so my point is, I'm not suggesting I have the way, but I have figured out the way to help you figure out what's right and healed for you compared to what you know that keeps you in survival and limits you from being able to make your most healed impact. So declaring that I was gonna help families heal was something that only happened.
Amanda Kaufman (06:00)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Rebeccah Silence (06:14)
when I published my book, Coming Back to Life, a roadmap to heal from pain to create the life you want. And I also, at the same time, I birthed this book and got a major publishing deal, was birthing, producing my course that I call the Emotional Survival Kit. And it was a wild time because I had so much knowledge and expertise and I wanted to bottle it, but again, not in a way where I'm saying I know what you need, but I'm going to give you everything you need to find your path to the best of you.
Because that's what heals families, is one person in the family deciding to be the best of themselves, emotionally regulated, fully expressed and free, no matter what's happening. One person does that, the family heals. And it doesn't mean, I'll just say one more quick thought here, I'm not a relationship expert because all my relationships have been easy, everybody's great, everybody treats me the best. I'm a relationship expert because I know how to be me, no matter what. And that...
is the indication that you've healed some generational trauma. Because we're not born necessarily knowing who we are. We in our families design who we need to be to survive the family system. And I call that your survival self. We wake up one day and we know we're surviving. We don't wake up one day and know who we are. So for me, I married a guy with the last name Silence because I was still committed to silence and understanding trauma wasn't enough.
Then I kept the name because I reinvented myself. And my clients say yes to reinventing themselves without knowing what that means. I didn't know who I was, but I knew who I wasn't. And then it was a identity up level reinventing myself journey to be who I am fully expressed no matter what. And so when we're talking about family healing, that's what I'm talking about. You, you, no matter what, in your family and beyond, that's magic.
Amanda Kaufman (07:48)
Mmm.
It's so good. It's so good. you know, I, think I just really admire and respect.
and love what you have done with this mission because, know, Rebecca, we know a lot of coaches and, you know, I would easily put you in the top five people that I've met in terms of the consistency of commitment to your mission and what you're doing. know, so dear listener, I've met Rebecca, don't know, maybe five, six years ago at this point, maybe seven, gosh, it's been a while. And, you know, we
Rebeccah Silence (08:42)
It's better.
Amanda Kaufman (08:43)
We've
been on a growth journey even together. You've seen me grow, you've seen me evolve and change. And as you're speaking about this authenticity and discovering who you are, that's the core of what personal growth and development is really about because I think people do run into that disruption of life and realizing, wow, I can make different choices. I can create something new, but there is that space.
of like
Now what? Now that I know that I have choices, now that I know I can create something new, what do I even want that to be? like giving that permission to identify that, to see that, like that is some hardcore coachy work. Like that's pretty, pretty amazing. Rebecca, I am really curious, you know, for the other coaches that are listening, you are somebody who has a lot of passion, a lot of resilience. been, you know, you've been through a lot.
Rebeccah Silence (09:19)
Mm-hmm.
Amanda Kaufman (09:43)
clearly like so intelligent, like you work extremely hard. Like what's so your fire babe? Like how do you stay this connected to this and allow the evolution that's required in order to have that bigger impact? Like what would you say there?
Rebeccah Silence (09:52)
you
Well, I mean, for me, part of the story is I got out of that domestic violence marriage with a two-year-old and was gonna be damned if I wasn't a mom she could be proud of, and a mom I could be proud of. And I just went for it. And I think when you're in a season where you've lost everything, it's pretty easy to scrape your way to the top. Not easy in terms of common.
But it's almost easier to reinvent ourselves when there's a breakdown or when there's a crisis. I think it's harder when there's seemingly something to lose that, you know, I call it high functioning unhappiness. So many people are suffering from what I call high functioning unhappiness. We talk about high functioning anxiety, depression, addiction, but we don't talk about high functioning unhappiness. So for me, I'm unwilling to be a high functioning unhappy person and
You know, part of the story is I built this dream business from nothing. As a woman in a family system where the women do not stand on their own, do not make their own money. I come from a very patriarchal community, not just family. So when I decided I'm going to go for it, I meant it. And I built everything I imagined. I ended up married again. built
an amazing business. My strategy was to get on a top 40 radio station and I just overnight turned the community on its head. I was the first coach in the whole community. I was waking people up. I helped 150 women alone just start businesses there. And then I got a cancer diagnosis. So part of the answer to what keeps my passion going and flowing is I beat cancer with a 5 % chance to live because I live what I teach. So now
My life is frosting and I'm just here on divine assignment and I'm so freaking grateful every single day that I'm well and I'm alive. I on paper shouldn't be here. I'm a statistical anomaly. I'm an incest survivor growing up in the trauma and abuse and violence that I did then cancer with a 5 % chance. But my book isn't called coming back to life because of all the crazy. It's because this is what my clients have said to me.
from 2002 on that they experience when we work together. They come alive. And for me, it's about, can you please not believe that you need a breakdown to break through or wait for things to get worse because it isn't that bad because you're high functioning and unhappy? Can we not be afraid to risk threatening the unhappy because we don't want to lose the high functioning? And can we risk it? And can we?
have our lives ours. I don't think, especially for coaches, it makes any sense to try to fit in. I think we deserve to have a life that fits in with us so we can serve at the highest levels. So for me, I just am like every single day, thank you God, and I feel like God is my business partner and I'm just so guided. And when I tell you I only beat cancer because of the practice of emotional healing that I teach.
I believe it. I stayed emotionally clear and regulated and I wasn't violated when I got cancer. I wasn't believing this was happening to me. I wasn't identifying as cancer. It wasn't my cancer. It was just, am I going to be who the hell I say I am now?
Amanda Kaufman (13:19)
Mm hmm. Gosh, yeah, like.
Rebeccah Silence (13:20)
It's really easy to
be the best for me when it's good and easy.
Amanda Kaufman (13:24)
You know, you're hitting on so many things and I love this term high functioning unhappiness, hashtag stealing, because I think.
Rebeccah Silence (13:31)
Thank you.
Amanda Kaufman (13:35)
Gosh, that was what drove me into coaching in the first place. I now coach coaches and help them build bodacious businesses so that they are really excited to serve and to have a greater impact and to get that ripple out there. And the thing is though, I think that high functioning unhappiness of just like every day, like letting a little bit of what you really think go, every day, letting just like a little bit of what you really want go until you find yourself just cornered.
into
this caged existence and what you wanted to do in the first place was so great. It was so boundary pushing. was so exciting. But to your point, like this fear of loss or this fear of rejection or this fear that it's not gonna work out or living in that 95 % instead of like the five, like that's profound. Like that's really, really good.
Rebeccah Silence (14:08)
Mm-hmm.
Amanda Kaufman (14:30)
You know, I do work with and you know a lot of coaches in the space that you know, they have invested a tremendous amount of money a tremendous amount of time and a tremendous about amount of like Identity honestly like going into I'm gonna be a coach and they put it out there they put it like out in the on this pedestal out in the distance somewhere and it's it almost seems like for a lot of people in the community, it's like
always out of reach somehow. What do you think is going on? Why do you think we do that as coaches? They're not committed. It's that simple. I love it.
Rebeccah Silence (15:03)
They're not committed. So, yeah.
It's easy
to want it, right? And I think there's three different types of people in this industry and in general, the people that don't want to grow and transform, not knocking them, loving them, blessing them into their future, but that's real. There are a lot of people that just, I'm good. Then there are the people that are interested. Let's just call it what it is. Maybe they're not ready, but in so many cases, they're just not interested. So let's love and respect that. Then there's the people that want it,
but they're waiting for the imaginary guarantee that isn't coming. They wanna know the how, they want a guarantee of certainty, and then they'll commit. So I wouldn't be alive if I didn't commit to living like I was gonna live very freaking clear. Chances were I was dead. I was 34 and pregnant, and the doctors are saying, we have to plan your will. They're talking to my husband about she's not gonna make it. And we just have to prepare for that, right?
Amanda Kaufman (15:46)
Mm-hmm.
Rebeccah Silence (16:07)
Then I quit chemo and they were really like, well, she's done for, you know, but the thing about it is I committed to my life, which meant committing to trusting me more than anything else. We don't want that experience of people's disapproval and we guard against disappointment and we want some certainty that isn't coming. But let me tell you what will make you certain. And I coach coaches, I was a mentor.
Amanda Kaufman (16:19)
Mmm... Mm-hmm.
Rebeccah Silence (16:35)
running a coaching certification program for 12 years. So I've been around and I've worked with coaches and it's about the unwillingness to not be the person it takes to serve the way you imagine you can. And you're not gonna get approval. Nobody told me it was a good idea to go back into my hometown and get on the radio and start a private practice.
Amanda Kaufman (16:37)
I remember that, yes!
Rebeccah Silence (17:03)
Everybody I loved told me, we might want to start here. We might want to cut those rates in half. And I just trusted myself, right? And I'm again, I'm not the coach that says I know for you, but I know you know for you. And I remember driving, cause I was a school counselor, a school counseling coordinator to the school I was working at, the district, listening to this top 40 station and thinking, this is not my voice telling me to call the station and get on the air. This is something bigger than me.
So I think we can't make it about us and our fear of perceived failure or rejection. I wanna know I pulled out all the stops in this one precious life. I want a life of no regrets. I wanna know I went for it. And I know I have to carry the torch and the vision and the belief and I need to know and I can teach real quick if you want the four stages of commitment that I know are coming so that when they do I don't get afraid.
to recommit. I'm just normalizing, this is part of the process. But we don't commit like we mean it. And if we did, everything would change.
Amanda Kaufman (18:03)
So good.
I think that's
a big distinction, because I know in my own journey I had to learn the difference between an idea and a dream and a commitment. And what happens when you break commitment with yourself, with others, what that does in your integrity, and how you need to like...
Rebeccah Silence (18:19)
Right.
Amanda Kaufman (18:35)
Obviously not do that as much as possible, but if you have found yourself in that pattern, it's like, okay, we gotta we gotta shift something So I am interested. What is your what is your for? four-step framework on commitment
Rebeccah Silence (18:44)
Yeah.
girl, this is game changing. So this is in relationship to anything. So these are the stages of growth, these are the stages of commitment, these are the stages of business, of relationship, okay? And I work with people every single day and over a thousand have gone through my private practice. This is the lesson that is the biggest game changer for people that I teach. So commitment starts in fresh love. So it's like, yay.
This is hot, this is great, this is fun, this is fresh. And that is what we think the metric is to make commitment worth it. Fresh love. But here's the problem with the OEA fresh love. There are no roots. There is no foundation yet. So my husband, it's so funny, he was never gonna get married. My mother-in-law was like, what did you do to my son? My husband now. Because he proposed in three months and we got married fast. But before me,
Amanda Kaufman (19:28)
Mm-hmm.
Rebeccah Silence (19:41)
He went from it's fun, it's not fun, that was it. With women with jobs and life beyond, right? So fresh love moves into panic. What was I thinking? So it goes, yay, no. What did I do? What was I thinking? So for me, when the god, what was I thinking? I'm like, yeah, this is the part where. So.
Amanda Kaufman (19:45)
Mm-hmm.
oooo
Rebeccah Silence (20:07)
For many of us, we're surprised every time and we're not even aware that's what's happening, right? But you want to be a coach, it's not enough. You've got to commit to being a coach knowing you're gonna go from fresh love to panic and you're gonna have to remember, wait a minute, I wanted to be the person who could achieve this, right? I wanted a healthy, healed family. I wanted a magically delicious marriage, probably more than I wanted anything in my life.
and I knew I'm gonna have to stay committed every time I wanna run. And I'm the woman who had a dog that by the time she was five, we had moved 10 times.
I was not committed, but the thing about it is you're never not committed. You're committed to every choice you make, right? So we're always committed. It's just in what direction, right? Nobody has commitment issues, by the way. So you go from, yay, to, no, to then it feels like things are getting even worse, because now we hit it. Now we have to move beyond power and control dynamics within ourself and in our relationships, which means
Amanda Kaufman (20:50)
Mmm.
Rebeccah Silence (21:12)
The part of you that wants to stay in survival, because there's a survival you, and then there's the healed you. And almost nobody meets the healed you, because you haven't met the healed you. So the healed you, you design. We don't wake up knowing who that is, or what that looks like. And here's just a quick side note hack. If you know what you want for other people, guaranteed that's what you want for you. If you don't know what you want for you, you're not alone. What do you want for other people?
Amanda Kaufman (21:25)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Rebeccah Silence (21:39)
and what don't you want, and what do you think the opposite would be, right? But the power and control phase, so people either quit once they get that disillusioned panic, no, moment that a lot of people call the ick. It's not the ick, it's just you don't wanna commit. You don't wanna stay committed. You're looking for an out. You're not looking for a reason to stay in the game. And if you're looking for an out, you're gonna find it. So the power and control is where it's no, you didn't, and you're going in to fight, flight, freeze.
and not knowing how to be the healed you beyond it, right? Because there's fight, flight, freeze, but there's also healed you. But most people don't teach you how to actually be healed. Traditional therapy is teaching healing emotions through the mind. The mental health industry is about mindset and strategy. I'm about alignment with your soul and emotional clarity, right? So the power and control phase is where, no, you didn't. When you get to the place where you're healed with you.
Amanda Kaufman (22:28)
Mm-hmm.
Rebeccah Silence (22:37)
and have new agreements with yourself and new clarity about why it's so important to stay committed, then you get the delicious fourth stage that everybody really wants, which is reinvention. But we think the panic and the power and control, things are getting worse, you're building your foundation. So by the time I got cancer, I had all this in me and I just had to practice it. It sucked. Wasn't fun at all.
but I moved and graduated beyond, this was my power and control breakthrough. Because that's where the breakthrough happens, by the way, in the power and control phase. And I'm the coach that can facilitate breakthroughs like you've never even fathomed for you. Really, really quick. But what I realized is, okay, my life has been about achievement and success metrics that are not fulfilling my soul.
or nourishing my soul. It is draining me. Because I for years was working seven days a week, 10 clients a day with a six month wait list for years. And then I'm not saying I caused the cancer, but you can't live like that. That's not possible. my God. So cancer happened and my power and control breakthrough was life's about alignment now. And my life became a co-creation with God.
Amanda Kaufman (23:46)
That's a lot of stress to put yourself under. Yeah.
Rebeccah Silence (23:59)
And I haven't had to figure anything out since. I just am open and a clear channel and show me. What would you have me see? No, do, understand, say, and to who? Just show me. So the book came through with me listening to Lil Wayne radio and just, that's good. And I like literally look at the ceiling all the time. I'm just like, okay, right? So the four stages of commitment normalizing that, it's game changing.
Amanda Kaufman (23:59)
Hmm.
Rebeccah Silence (24:28)
Because you're not doing anything wrong when you want to run. You're human. But stay in it.
Amanda Kaufman (24:33)
I
love this distinction so much, because I think there's a lot of surface level development work out there that talks about like, you encountered resistance? then you should just quit. I'm like, wait, hang on. Sometimes that resistance is the thing that you need to learn or you need to see or you need to be. You have to, I think,
Rebeccah Silence (24:47)
You
Amanda Kaufman (25:02)
I think for me, the experience of resistance can be a redirection signal. It can be. But it often is not. It's often, like you said, we've got to accept that resistance to then experience that flow. it's like that surrender to OK.
Rebeccah Silence (25:23)
Yeah.
Edward.
Amanda Kaufman (25:27)
you know, it's surrender, right? It's this surrender to it. And I think a lot of people use, no, I feel a bad feeling. And then they're done. And it's like...
Rebeccah Silence (25:35)
Right, or this person upset me, so I'm gonna blame it on them. By the way, the other person is never the problem, ever. Right, they're just activating what you have an opportunity to heal. But I don't see surrender as powerless, and I'm just giving up. I see it as letting go of attachment to how the world responds to you, so that you can be clean on your end, and the best of you. And if you want certainty, decide to decide that what's certain is,
Amanda Kaufman (25:42)
Mm-hmm, exactly.
That's it.
Rebeccah Silence (26:04)
You can be your best and make the best of anything and stay committed no matter what, and then you're free. And to me, healing is freedom. That's what it's about. And I wanted to create a way for people to have an empowering experience of healing beyond anything and everything that doesn't serve them. So the generational trauma cycles and patterns can break for good, and you can model a whole new baseline for every life you touch, including your family.
But often, our families can tent where they are, and our job is to just be the best of ourselves, attracting alignment, aligned relationships from this place, from this me, and then whoever wants to come, great. But let go of the attachment, of the approval, of the permission, of the certainty from external sources, and commit so you know you did, and you're free.
Amanda Kaufman (26:55)
Well, I ask everyone in this segment, what helps a coach not to suck? What are your three rapid fire responses for like a coach really does wanna do a very good job? What do you think are the three things they need to keep in mind?
Rebeccah Silence (27:10)
Manage and regulate your emotions. Two, be honest about what you're good at and stick with that. Don't try to be who you're not. Don't try to be vanilla ice. If you got a problem, you'll solve it. Be you and the genius you are in your capacity. And I think the third thing is be a coach with a coach.
Amanda Kaufman (27:30)
So good, so good. I love, in fact, I'm gonna like just punctuate. I love that you called out emotional regulation.
Rebeccah Silence (27:38)
That's what I do.
Amanda Kaufman (27:38)
you know, because
I think it's a, I think it's not talked about really enough in our space and it is so important. I know for me, you know, the biggest difference between Amanda, the beginner coach and Amanda, the coach that is here today and probably the coach that it's going to be here 20 years from now is my capacity to emotionally regulate when things happen. You know, I'm so much stronger than I once was with that, but that's not something that I learned from a coaching certification, you know, or even picked up with a particular book.
But I just from working with so many high-level entrepreneurs over the over the years and just like really high-level Aligned achievers that alignment comes from their emotional regulation and their ability to respond to like you said the realities of what life is presenting I love that so good. Okay, Rebecca I could talk to you for three hours straight easily very easily, but how could people follow you?
Rebeccah Silence (28:37)
Yeah, so first of all, if you want more on how I teach the practice of emotional healing and emotional regulation, get my book, Coming Back to Life, A Roadmap to Heal from Pain to Create the Life You Want. We're talking about amazing concepts today. If you want the roadmap, I literally give you how to step by step by step. This isn't some cool idea. This can be your real life, right? Like you're aligned and solid and emotionally clear. So coming back to life, I can't recommend enough.
Amanda Kaufman (29:00)
It's so true.
Rebeccah Silence (29:05)
And then if you just want to get in touch, if you want to follow me, if you want to experience more of my work, check out rebeccasilence.com. Check out the Rebecca Silents YouTube channel. On my website there's a whole free resources section, but you can also download right now the three must know secrets to heal and save your family masterclass right at rebeccasilence.com. And that masterclass is really just the three must know secrets to heal so you can lead healed. The world needs you healed.
so you can really make your difference.
Amanda Kaufman (29:36)
Amazing, amazing. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Rebecca.
Rebeccah Silence (29:41)
My pleasure. I love you. I'll come back anytime.
Amanda Kaufman (29:45)
my, you'll be back. You will be back. She said it in front of you, friends. So she's coming back. And hey, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss that next that next time that Rebecca's back and other episodes and go ahead and take a moment and subscribe and leave a five star review. Rebecca worked so hard and showed up in her full authentic self here. So let's let's make this podcast even easier for people to find in the future. And I'm I'm pretty sure there's something
that really resonated with you that would be so much better if you just shared it with three of your friends. know, so grab the link to this episode. Go ahead and slide into the DMs. Let them know what you loved from the episode and then they can listen to it if it speaks to them. And yeah, come back, man. I'm loving having you listening to the show. Thank you so much, Rebecca, for being here and we'll see you next time, everyone.
Rebeccah Silence (30:38)
Bye.
